The biggest problem with teaching a brand psanky new speciifcation A-Level is that there are bugger all resources for it. It means you are marking and blind and when the buggers say "what did I get?" you look spacey.

It's been an interesting week, filled with bullying, mentoring, parents and panic ... and my darling Dantes failed his MOT. I cried. Well, later on. The guys in the garage were really sorry about it and kept apologising which was nice. They even strapped my Cheshire Cat Plushie properly into the back seat so he didn't fall off.

Okay I know many people are reading this and thinking "it's just a car" but he's the most expensive thing I have bought I was really proud when I passed my driving test (this is taking into account I can parallell park beautifully but still need a favourable wind, my lucky K9 air freshner and a Shaman chanting good luck prayers for me to get out of Sainsburys car park) so I lavish affeciton on him ... and K-chan to who is snuffling beside me and wishing he could sleep.

It cost me £200, two and a half hours in an unheated Kwik Fit waiting area, a stuck on brake light, a re-take MOT of pain, £5 of extra petrol, 20 mins of laptop battery, a snickers bar, and an hour of a poorly K-chan's time to get him healthy and happy again.

K-chan as I type is a snuffly K-chan, he's caught the winter cold and is ridden with it, dripping like a tap. I am not envious but I confess I am a little worried aobut catching it. Having hada four onth long cold last year I don't want another. Yet its it's hard to keep the Bubble-Girl-Germs-Yuckkie-Getiit-Away when your beloved wants fuss and then the kids at school think giving you every infection under the sun would be a really great early-Christmas gift. my tutor room currently looks like a branch of Boots they are bringing in that much pills and medicine.

Also taking a little solace in the fact that this is mine and K-chan's last free weekend before the parties and the bookings start to take up time, last week it was the CULES annual dinner and I can report that my hair went well for once and one of my sixth formers was one of the waiters. Joy. Nothing quite chills the soul like a  "Hey miss" when you are in a distinctly figure hugging corset (boyfriend with foot in the back style - bless the K-chan, he has a new skill to put on his cv)  and joking about spanking with a tux-clad acquaintance.

Talking of the bratpack I also had something akin to a blooper to share with you. With my AS Level English language group we ar e studying gender ... cue blah blah blah conversation women gossip woo ... but the home I have set them is as follows:

"Take a transcript from a toy advertisement aimed solely at boys or girls and alter that language style to make it more appealing to the opposite gender."

My Little Pony    ->  My Mighty Stallion
Star Wars Millenium Falcon Mech Set - Star Days - Centenary Sparrow Hair Salon

Actually I do have a blooper, from year 8 creative writing stories

"He was a real criminal you know, but anyway, I digest." (He doesn't know where he went wrong!)

Those were their first suggests ... bless them

I made my Year 8 boys curtsey to me before they were allowed to go (we are studying Shakespeare's theatre and the boy actors) ... they are my favourite group ... I'm so horrible to them.

Meh ... why why oh why has it chosen to snow over the weekend. Why can't it do the sensible thing and turn up on the weekdays. Damnit I want a snow day! I ahve the Pimms Number 3 all ready for it!!

The final blooper of the school term was as follows, when discussing Chinese wisdom and where it comes form, one enterprising Year 9 said:
"Those ancient Chinese philsophers, you know, the ones that masturbated under trees."

Fun and frolics today ...

Having reguarly done 50 hour weeks since January it feels very odd suddenly stopping. I have been so bored today it's unreal, I even went to harass the woman at Staples and the conversation went as follows:

"Do you do, or know where I can get, a teacher's planner?"
"What's a teacher's planner?"
"A planner. For Teachers."

After two explanations and waving arms, Staples lady ened up choosing "no" as it was the safest option of getting bored and sweaty woman (no ac in Dantes makes for Sauna Car if Chibi doesn't pt her screen up) out of her shop.

So the next task, sorting all my filing into segments to put in NEW FILING SYSTEM(TM). Get halfway through accompanied by Tenchi Universe boxset which I have never managed to sit through, get bored and almost stuck to carpet as weather is so hot that when Chibi returned, she changed into shortie pyjamas. Unfortunately, sweaty bare legs and fuzzy carpet equals stuck and roughened legs, so only Key Stage 4 was done and small stacks of paper are piled up in the lounge coupled with Chibi deciding "Hey now's a good time for hair removal!" so yet another task was done.

I have had my car serviced and new tyres put on him, I got petrol today, doing scratches tomrrow. There's only so much fuss I can give my tiny car so we have to lavish attention on something else.

Also going home at the beginning of August and planning to visit Miss_achivist if she allows me to do so mid-week, other than that will be in Gloucester

In other news we are in York on 12th and 13th August after doing Amecon (still no cosplay ideas as is size of a house and you need to be somewhat-slender and uber-sexy like Odangochan to cosplay)and then onto Harrogate and a session at the Turkish Baths. Managed to get half price on a Harrogate hotel which is nice, so Keith can tackle yet another mind-blowingly sized steak and need rolling home again in an alcoholy state

Later this evening Keith and I plan to smell a yoghurt to see if it is worth eating. What an exciting life we lead.

Hello children,

Well here ends half term with a weary chibi. It seems I don't do relaxing very well as I get wound up and upset. Had a good scream at the end of the A40 which helped a lot, although getting a coke from the burger king there proved elusive as I was mainly given syrup in a cup with a dash of soda water. Not a happy chibi make

Spent a nice few days down in Gloucester with some shiny brake discs for Dantes fitted. I now have to bed the buggers in as instead of tapping the brake and stoppage happens, I need to use a bit mroe force. Although I was proud that I managed to drive to Gloucester from Cambridge in three hours which included a stop at the beginning of the A40.

I'd like to ask those who do actually do that journey though ... is there a better route that doesn't involve Milton Keynes? I got totally fed up with the roundabouts and people trying to squash past me on the inside. Grr. Images of imprints of Ford Fiesta in the grassy banks

However me and K-chan have a teeny tiny flat of our own. Yay. It's by a twain twack with a big bathroom and cute kitchen. We couldn't find a suitable place with garage for a reasonable rent, sadly, but still it's sweet and Keith can dream of garages for a while and we can lay paving stones for the car to sit on. Ideas are flowing.

With regards to Eurovision, tapas was successful. Chibi fed seven hungry peeps and won and Little G brought a very nice bottle of marguerita which I wished I had an ice crusher for because you need crushed ice for margies. Although I do think it's a complete crime that Latvia didn't win. It had costumes, key change, bridge and pirates. Total and compelte win. The song is very catchy too.

Oh whoopee doo. I have the wonder that is a copied essay. One of my Year 10s has copied and pasted his entire coursework essay from this website.

http://www.123helpme.com/view.asp?id=3511

He hasn't bothered to change any of it, not even to make it into paragraphs. Instead he's handed in one whole block of text. I think one lad is being moved to front and having three after schools to actually write this essay. Except joy of joys, they are off on work experience Tuesday so I have to turn around this in twenty four hours.

Oh joy.

Well I'm sure it will sort itself out, especially as the lad signed a declaration to say that he would not cheat or copy and just sat through a lecture on the subject. Silly boy.

My Year 8s are no better. I feel usless in the teaching of them and with my markbook having holes makes me worried. This week my Year 8 ... you are working in total silence ... hahahahahah ehem trying to get them silent will be the job.

Also, anyone in Cambridge for Eurovision? I'm serving tapas and a lot of it. People are most certainely welcome but I need to know numbers and a teeny donation to the food fund would help a lot.

Also as it is half term, Dantes decides nows an excellent time to develop a leak in either his radiator or coolant system. He is a bad Dantes as the little money I started to save for a deposit on the flat will now be used to repair him ... and don't even get me started on petrol prices at the momet ... rahhh!

Year 8 were asked to practise their creative writing skills by creating a brochure encouraging pilgrims to visit Canterbury. Here are some examples (all spelling and punctuation mistakes are theirs faithfully copied by me):

Disclamier: It is not 100% guaranteed that your family will live because you prayed. Please be warned that if you live up North you may be killed while travelling through other towns that carry Black Death.

Becket was left here to die by those four knights, the least you could do is pay him a visit

* All statistics are approximate, actual amount of deaths may be incorect at time of printing

1 in 5 people die because they do not touch the shrine when they have plague (bubonic or neumonic, it doesn’t matter).

Bring anything. In order to protect their family Mr Bob brought his sons dead body in as an offering and the shrine saved the rest of them!

Join the Canterbury club and get a free pass for 2 years!

Your life, your family, your God


Don't you just love them?

In other news, I washed, waxed and stroked my car. It's scary how fond I am getting of it. I have hoovered the inside and even bought some wipes (47p for 120, thanks Tescos, Thescos)for the dahsboard and trim. I am guessing this is because it is the most expensive thing I own.

I have a formal with K-chan's CULES crowd on Saturday. Have bought gorgeous dress (with first paycheck of win and wonderful and currently hanging up in the room to have creases drop, which they did do quite rapidly) and am ready to attempt to look presentable. A little apprehensive actually as I tend to just feel I bit like a spare wheel at these functions, especially knowing no injokes or songs. However, some people I know are coming to it won't be too bad. Plus nice food and drinks always suit me.

Realised also that Gloucester teacher training prepared me a lot more for the real world than Cambridge does for their students. These guys are likely to have no practise in writing schemes of work and series of lessons, they ust seem to be borrowing everyone eles for ideas. Not that that is a bad thing, but t's jsut a bit ... you know

Oh yes if anyone is an amazon buyer or play or anything, buy your stuff through this link, it'll raise money for my school and get me one step closer to a projector in my classroom

http://www.buy.at/npa