Let's do some numbers here

* All lessons must have three objectives (entitled Must, Should and Could)
* All tasks in the lesson (3 usually) must have extension for the able and differentiation for the weak.
* All lessons must follow the National Curriculum set objectives and if you do not meet these then you must go back over and plug the gaps.
* All students must be assessed in every two week period.
* Of these assessments there must be a variety of immediate achievable targets and every student must know what they have to do to make the target grade (most classes are 28)
* All students must have a variety of each of the 3 learning styles, preferably all in one lesson.
* I currently teach 9 classes.
* In a two week time table I have 50 periods. Of those periods I have 6 free leaving 44.

This is a total of 40 things to potentially consider in a lesson with a potential total of 1769 things to consider in a week (40 x 44 + 9 (assessments).

In other maths

Houses looked around - 5
Houses lost - 1
Houses hated - 4
Houses that have smelt of rancid grease - 2
Estate agents who are kn*bs - 2
Houses that are very overpriced - All in Cambridge
Students that shouldn't have had houses bought for them in Cherry Hinton before they went to University so that they can have a steady income from the rent - 1


On another note and as a request, if anyone is particularly bored can they visit http://nfgsA2coursework.blogspot.com and have a look at the blogs on the right hand side of the page. The blogs could do with outside critique from various guests (what you don't get, what's unclear etc) and I would appreciate two or three minutes of your time and one line of comment is worth one extra mark to them :)

Okay, thanks to various issues such as new school year, I have been unable to update but here it is the short status twitteresque format.

* We haven't found a house yet. The one we were supposed to look at last week was bought by the first person who saw it (we were the second)
* I have a SPECIAL child in my year 7 group who struggles to write his own name and one in the group whose mother owns an Aston Martin DB7 as her weekend car.
* My year 10 set has 31 pupils all squashed into a room meant for 28 and five boys are trying to outdo each other for the title of Archduke Class Clown (Archduke D*ckhead in my book)
* I bashed my hand really hard and have some damage on my right hand (lucky I'm left)
* I blew up our oven so looks like it's takeaways forever (woo!)
* I have several new songs.
* I have a sixth form tutor group who are finally bearable and downright enjoyable (in fact half of them want to come to my wedding).
* Sixth form in general have marveled at the The Rock(tm) with the best quote being: "Is that your house deposit, Miss?"
* I'm off to watch the kids (sixth form group) play at the Junction (music venue) soon.

The school has had a blitz on observations over the last three weeks. I have had three. One random drop in from the Deputy Head and Headmaster (doing a climate walk … go figure), one from my Head of Department and one from the English Advisor at the Essex LA.

The result from the Head: “Er, yeah, was good, oh yeah sorry I didn’t teach that lesson you set up for me. I forgot”

The result from HoD: “It was good, a few outstanding features.”

English Advisor: “You have an excellent rapport with them, I would rate it as good with features of outstanding.”

Remember I was "the crap one" of the group in teacher training (as quoted by one of the other trainees we didn't like very much who I have just found out has quit ahahahahaha) so Chibi of Pride (although she's very glad the advisor didn't see her with year 7 as it took 20 minutes to settle them after all the spazzy behaviour with all the "I haven't got a pen/homework diary/fish/my book/a brain" and "I have a music lesson/exam/rounders match/dentist/doctor/need a drink/going home/holiday". Drove me borderline psychopathic and I yelled at them, if they are this spazzy tomorrow I am detentioning them on the spot)

In other news the Year 11s were dispatched with the most boring ball ever (four hours of standing around, the year 10s have elected me to plan next years as I reckon  bouncy castle). Although several of the kids turned up in interesting ways including a Routemaster Bus, a tractor, a Buick car, several limos/stretch hummers and the Local Fire Engine.

Also a trip to Thorpe Park. Our coach turned up late and we had to endure the other two driving off with “nyahnyahnyahnyahnyah” signs only to turn up twenty minutes ahead of the others due to our driver believing that the straightest route was the best route, which was brilliant for the kids on the M25 as they got to rubberneck two accidents, sign-language lorry drivers and point and laugh at the bus of a “Special” school.

I only really went on Colossus, Tidal Wave (got soaked), Tea Cups and Zodiac. Didn’t really want to do anything else. Nothing to do with fear of the rides but I really didn’t fancy queuing for 90 minutes for a ride that lasted max of 30 secs, especially in the sun that was creeping up towards 32 degrees.

So now we start to build up for the end of term. To be honest I’m winding down already.

And in other news the company-who-must-not-be-named are sending K-chan to Korea for a week … in my last week of term … coming back a day before our holiday (meaning I drive the 500 miles) … going on a weekend … oh yeah and over my birthday. I am not a happy bunny because I now have to spend my birthday not only at school but alone. It’s official, my birthday sucks.

If anyone happens to be in Cambridge around the 13^th July let me know.

Several good things have happened:

* I am up to date on Soul Eater manga and am thrilled to have new manga experience. Stein is way cool in this one.

* Fruits Basket is nearly finished and I love it.

* I had a teaching observation and instead of being satisfactory with elements of good, I am now good with elements of excellent. Mmm, pleasure. Having been the 'crap one' for ages it's nice to have something to celebrate in that. I'm still the crap one of the department but I am a little less crap than before.

* I joined a gym. I know some of you will be rolling on the floor laughing at this but it has a pretty pool, I get a discount and it has a rowing machine I can knock the crap out of. Equally, I fancy doing marking on the cross trainer. It has nothing to do with the steam room, sauna or jacuzzi ... honest... truly. Truth telling I have become remarkably unfit with all the sit down marking I've been doing and my classes are behaving at the moment, so I haven't actually needs to stand and do circuits repeatedly of the classroom threatening at will.

* The flat is kind of tidy and a good portion of our washing is done. This is quite a miracle as washing happens to be something that

* Due to sheer luck I have managed to angle a few more free periods this week. Don't you just love sports days! All I have to do is watch 11 year olds throw heavy frisbees and giant plastic twigs around. Much better than trying to get coursework out of year 10

* I'm on top of my reports, which is very cool (just 15 more to write! ... If I can get exam cover on Wednesday I could get that completed).

I haven't updated for a while and I really have no excuse of why aside from being busy working and sleeping.

I hadn't quite realised exactly how much sleep I get through on the holidays. In schooldays I get up at 6:30 and all of a sudden on holiday it's like a flipped switch and I'm dead until 9:00-10:00 and still managing nap in the afternoons.

My biggest thing over these last two weeks has been the almost constant marking I've been doing - there's been so much, and now we have the wonder that is report season. Actually I should really stop whinging about this because everyone else probably has it just as bad or possibly worse.

In other news, it seems highly unlikely that K-chan will be made redundant, something we are both pleased with and some enough can start looking for a house. We are both agreed on really, really, really wanting a garden, especially when the weather has been so glorious. It was sat in the punts yesterday baking relentlessly whilst trailing toes in the water, and earlier in the week on the parents patio that I realised I want a nice garden with a patio or decking to sit out in and enjoy the nice weather. So far the nearest we have got is stealing next doors front garden to hang the washing out in.

It probably doesn't bother our neighbours as currenty:
- We have never seen them leave the house
- All the lights are always on
- Yet all blinds and curtains are tightly shut.
- The gardens are over growing
- Six months of phonebooks and yellow pages are outside.
- They have never mowed the lawn and yet take the milk in every Tuesday (I have only seen a single hand reach out and take it)

The conclusion fomr K-chan's mum is that it's a cannabis factory, any other ideas. We tried posting a letter through but the mysterious hand only snatched it throguh and we didn't get a peep.

Only seven weeks until proper holiday in Cornwall and everything.

Oh by the way N.Yorks peeps are you likely to be around week of the 27th July - particularly the Monday?

I had a good lesson with Year 9 ...

I was frightened ...

They were concerned about making their grades ...

I nearly choked on my water ...

They think Richard III should be our Prime Minister and decided they like the play ...

I nearly cried.

I ordered chunky monkey ice cream with my pizza ...

I have reward.

Does anyone even read this anymore?

On another note "Isn't Jabberwocky a character in Star Wars" - Year 8
Ditto is there a more effective way of saying "He maybe talented but at the moment his only talent is being able to drink three cans of red bull in five minutes and get himself kicked in the naughty bits by year 9s"

Sigh, did every idiot in Cambridge decide that suicide was the way to go yesterday? I have literally had most of the population of the city all too willing to drape themselves under both my and every other cars wheels in the city. Much as I enjoy the sight of a renegade pedestrian bounding merrily across my bonnet and being swept away by my wipers like some demeted Darcey Bussell, I could do without the subsequent insurance claim.

K-chan and I finalised our holiday plans this week. We looked at abroad. We liked Abroad. Abroad sounded like something we wanted to do. We looked at flights. Mmm ... yes, well. Abroad can go stuff itself As much as we can afford it, flgihts abroad in the high season are an utter nightmare, with two flights for us costing £400. What also doesn't help is the 1 Euro 1 Pound thing.

We're off the Cornwall instead. Will probably rain but at least we can afford a pasty.

In other holiday news we have booked a few days in London. We rather like our little jaunts in London, being somewhere between tourists and random shopping vistors. However I do need to acquire a very nice ball-style skirt for the Year 11 balls (sudden realisation and listening in on Year 11 indicates that the Magnificent Purple Dress of Win may be a little too magnificent - read cleavagelicious - for such a thing). Any suggestions where I could get a ball skirt in London for a fairly reasonable price?

In school news I have discovered that my Year 7s are so damn needy. I dread me asking "any questions" as fifteen hands will immediately go up before I finish "any" and the questions are often spectacularly stupid. This involved a poetry lesson where we read a poem and the kids had to adapt it to their own style, this was complete with helpful hits and a sample verse on the board for the class spanners, I thought I'd covered it ... oh no ... this is actually what I was asked last lesson with replies I wished I had said next to it. To add excitement, one of these responses if real! Guess which one.

"Miss, do I need to put the date?" (No, for you I will make a special exception)
"Miss, which pen do I use?" (One that you can't swallow)
"Miss, I have an idea but I don't think it's right" (That's what Hitler said)
"Miss why are there crows outside?" (They are here for you my child)
"Miss I can't write poetry. Can I write a story instead?" (Sweetheart, I don't want to teach you, can I teach a rotweiler instead?)
"Miss, I don't have the right sort of tissues with me." (Umm ... Well done?)
"Miss, shall I do the rhyming words in a different colour?" (Living dagerously aren't you?)
"Miss, why is there a sixth former here?" (Because the sixth former has been naughty and I can't think of a better hell than catching up here with you)

Oh and addictive random game fun

http://www.playauditorium.com/

Odd week this last week. Many things happening.

 

The key thing was the realisation that I have lost five Media Studies lessons and consequently am three weeks behind with my scheme of work. So obviously my group are not going to do as good representation essay as they could do! But no, interim grades must go out NAO despite not having them for six weeks.

 

Also on Thursday and Friday I was ill. Ill enough to find driving difficult but not so ill that I felt guilty for not wobbling up into school and trying to teach. Problem is it’s difficult to teach whilst shaking and so I had a frustrating two days in bed (and no sleep last night). I have now arrived back to a mess with my sweet Year 8s causing havoc with their cover teacher and my 9s causing a riot. Also I need to lay down the law on my Year 10s. The one consolation being that my Year 11s switched on their ipods and descended into a happy creative haze.

 

Also I have gained a new laptop. Chii has been gracefully committing suicide for the last few weeks and has been consigned to being the House and Torrent computer (one of four: K-chan’s RISCOS, his mini RISCOS, my old Dell Lappy and now Chii). At first it started with the battery conking out. Then an upturn in the amount of hanging and simple freezing. Then the keyboard packs up. Then the touchpad packs up. So Chii now needs an external mouse and keyboard to actually work.

 

So one quick trip to Tesco’s and the purchase of Haruka – an upgraded Chii. Haruka very shiny next to Chii. However with one problem. VISTA. Ick. Sadly Haruka does not come with XP but the cursed Vista  which is icky to use and gobbles up the RAM. Hated it on sight and use (including Office 2007) and so made wide shiny eyes at K-chan’s copy of XP-Pro (software engineer partner infinitely talented and useful). However the conversation went something like this.

 

Haruka: NoNoNo … has Vista pre-installed … XP smells … icky.

Chibi: Do it.

Haruka: No

Chibi: Do it.

Haruka: No

Chibi: K-chan!

Haruka: 0_O

K-chan: Do it.

Haruka: No …

K-chan: *holds magic computer-style LoLHammer* Do it.

Haruka: Eeepso0rs

K-chan: Take it like a Dell

Haruka: … but I’m an Acer …

K-chan: PRETTY SPARKLE DUAL BOOT ACTION

Haruka: *_* …

Chibi: BIPOLAR LAPTOP!! WOO!

K-chan: Any complaints?

Haruka: … if I say yes … will the scary man go away?

Chibi: Yes …

Haruka: I’ll be good.*twitchtwitch*

 

So we now have Haruka the Spacky-Happy Lappy.

 

… I keep telling myself only four days until half term ….

 

Bloopers from Poetry Coursework:

“Mary Ann Evans wrote her poem as a man because it was just easier that way.”

“Evans uses Enjambement which makes the poem sound even more boring than it is.”

The kids thought the end of the world was today. Year 11 took this as an excuse to destroy their poetry lesson. I made some of them cry. A day with some successes. Some quotes of the day:

"My coursework is more important than a black hole."

"Sorry I'm late, Miss. My little sister was waiting for Armageddon. They have cross-country today."

"The physics teachers didn't know about it, so I came to ask you."
"... an English teacher?"
"... Yes."
"Okay" *draws diagram and demonstrates with half-conscious members of year 11 tutor group*
"Cool I see now, thanks miss!"

"You two, walk in circles and be particles. When I say so ... crash into each other."

The ultimate quote was from a frightened year 7 (For reference: Green cards are the uniform infraction cards they have to carry)

"Sir, if the world ends, do we get new green cards?"


Also, in contrast to last years scum-hell-bound-bastard year 8s we have nice shiny sweetheart year 8s. I think they are going to be my nicotine patch class

In other news my car aquaplaned yesterday ... so f**king scary ... luckily bags of distance between me and car in front.

I has moved into flat of love and joy. It's nice being able to simply drop clothes wherever I feel and if we don't want to do the washing up immediately, we don't have to.

Our only problems are an antiquated washing machine which someone has obviously thrown a pair of very muddy and stone ridden shoes into as it's still stock full of mud and stones and limescale like you wouldn't believe. It's still stinky.

Discovered that my Year 7 Drama reports have been edited ... head of Drama's excuse "oh they mnust have been chopped off ... some of mine are missing too" (his are only two lines each) mmm what's that smell ... cow ... no bull ... Sighs ...

So two days after writing that I come back to the entry again.

This week has been a little odd at the school, with a drug bust, two arrests, four exclusions (ranging from one day to five), three serious fights and a server crash.

On Thursday one of our Year 10's maladjusted, permanently arrested, four times excluded twin brother turned up. Has been declared missing for two weeks and is officially banned from school gorund. He turns up. Police called. He merrily leads his brother into smoking in the corridors of A block. Police turn up. Brother does runner. Police officer who is a regular patroller at the school (just an essex thing, one guy doing must of the schools, nothing serious) uses "considerable force to pin him down on the crossing in front of most people. Twin struggles, back up called for, our year 10 feeling the need to defend his brother and being held back by senior management and head of year 10. Twin breaks free, punches senior management, gets pinoined down by other police officers who arrive in six cars. Year 10 reaks head of year 10s cufflink in bid to escape. Both arrested, year 10 released pretty swiftly, twin bundled off. Fun and frolics.

Of course the gossipy year 7 girls seize upon this and immediately try to bring it back to them
"Oh miss I was SOOOO scared!"
"It coulda been me he hit, miss!"
"I'm afraid now miss!"
teachers look scathing and leave them to it. My year 10 form play on their "fears" by feeding them rumours. Year 7 now belive that there was no twin, the year 10 was armed, stabbed senior management and there were actually eleven police cars and armed support. Year 7 in thrall to Year 10

In other news, one of my Year 7s threw his rucksack straight at the cover teacher. Excluded. One of our French exchange students punched one of our girls. Another year 8 got excluded because someone squashed his paper hat and so he punched them and finally a year 9 student got himself excluded for three days after deciding that swearing at the head of year was a good idea. And in the last final deadline for reports to come in ... the server crashes.

I work in a nice school in a nice area ... I work in a nice school in a nice area ... I ...

Realising too that I am quite isolated in Cambridge. It's okay when I have work on the go and stuff, but when I secure a weekend off and Keith is busy fixing the car, I just feel quite lonely. My choices of stuff to do today are washing and marking and changing sheets that's it. Or I could push the boat out, go into town and look for tv dramas for teaching Media next year. yippee skippee.

*Sighs* any suggestions would be welcome